What is my dream?

Most children already knew what they're going to be when they grow up. Some wanted to be engineers or architects. Some wanted to be ballerinas and once I've heard, a majorette. I wanted to be a painter, at least that's what I told people and what I believed I wanted. I loved to draw and I thought it was something that I'd be doing for the rest of my life. What I really wanted to be, however, is a singer, a recording artist if you will. Aside from drawing, singing is another one of my loves in life. While my love in drawing stemmed from competing with my brother for the attention that I wanted, singing is my very own. It was my father's influence on me. I remember having duets with him singing "Please Be Careful With My Heart" by Jose Mari Chan. 

Sometimes, when you wanted something more, you forget about the things you're actually good at try to compete with your older brother for that feeling of being appreciated and liked by people who surround you. What I can do seemed nothing compared to what my older brother can do. He's the family's Golden Boy, the one who is more likely to be successful. Daniel's the elementary and high school valedictorian and Journalist of the Year. People know me as Daniel's fat sister and make fun of me when they have nothing else better to say to me. Even strangers call me names.

I also remember the time when I was in second grade. I got a 97% in Math and I was disappointed because I didn't get a perfect score like my brother who always had better grades. From that moment on, I never got another 97% or even 90%. My grades flopped down to 80's and graduated high school with a 75% on my report card. My parents tried talking to me about what was happening. I just told them nothing was wrong. I heard from a classmate about what the others are saying about me, wondering why I wasn't smart like my brother. I have very few friends because I have a temper and I hardly relate to anybody. They say high school is suppose to be the best time of anybody's life. Mine was a prison cell with inmates who got out after serving time. It was a moment in my life when, if a person asks me "what do you want to do now?', I won't be able to answer directly. People would answer 'Go to college' but I spent one year at home doing nothing because my parents couldn't afford to send me to any of the universities I actually applied into and luckily passed. 

The next year,  my younger brother and I took the entrance exam to a polytechnic university. Needless to say, he passed and I didn't but got in anyway as a waiver. A "waiver" is a student on probation. If we do great the first grading, we get to be regular students. I took psychology half-heart because the other courses have quotas on what grade point average to accept. After a year and a half, I left school to work. Failing me in English for no clear reason proved way too much and I got discouraged. Besides, my mother couldn't handle all three of her four children in college. It was way beyond our means.

So I worked my butt of, giving half of what I make to my father until I got knocked up by an ex boyfriend and gave birth to a handsome little boy who's already five and doing great in school. I suppose if it's over for me, my dream could always be for my boy. I just want to be able to provide for him and give him the best. Before I could do that though, I need to work. I'm unemployed because nobody else would take care of my son. My mother said I could enroll into college again when my son is a bit older. I'd love to do that but first, DPA has to start paying.